Episode Overview

In Episode 91 of Your Leadership Legacy, Tina Paulus-Krause sits down with Shari Filsinger, a certified mental wellness and emptiness coach, to delve into the complexities of navigating life with adult children. Shari shares her personal journey and insights from her book, “Nobody Told Me It Would Be This Hard: Navigating Life with Adult Kids.” The episode explores the transition parents face as they shift from a controlling role to one of empowerment and support for their adult children. Shari’s candid recount of her relationship with her daughter and son offers a raw look into the challenges and growth opportunities that come with this life stage. The conversation is a beacon for parents in similar situations, providing guidance, hope, and the understanding that growth is not exclusive to the young but is a continuous journey for parents too.

About Shari Filsinger

Shari Filsinger, a Certified Mental Wellness Coach, a Certified Nutrition Coach, as well as an Empty Nest Coach is your trusted partner in navigating life’s changes. With over 10 years in health and wellness, Shari specializes in helping women over 50 regain their energy, focus, and mental clarity, bringing much needed balance back into their lives.

Her personal journey fuels her empathy and commitment, making her not just a coach, but a compassionate ally in your wellness journey.

At Find Your Clarity, we’re not just about wellness, we’re about living your best life. With a focus on the gut-brain axis, we offer personalized plans that include mindset work, fitness, nutrition planning, and holistic supplementation.

Shari has personally faced many challenges and can provide the support needed to flourish. We’re here to help you overcome issues like anxiety, depression, brain fog, lack of energy, and insomnia, all in a holistic way with no need for medication.

Visit her website at https://www.sharifilsinger.com

Topics Covered

  • Insights into the challenges of parenting adult children.
  • Navigating the shift in parental roles as children grow into adulthood.
  • How parents can evolve and grow alongside their children.
  • Strategies for improving relationships with adult children.
  • How changes in parental behavior can positively impact family dynamics.
  • Recognizing and overcoming codependent tendencies for healthier relationships.
  • Tips on self-care, finding new passions, and maintaining healthy relationships with adult children.

Action Items

  • Reflect on Your Own Growth: Encourage listeners to consider their own evolution alongside their children’s growth.
  • Explore Personal Passions: Motivate empty-nesters to rediscover or find new interests and hobbies that bring them joy.
  • Practice Open Communication: Advise parents to foster open, non-judgmental communication channels with their adult children.
  • Set Healthy Boundaries: Highlight the importance of setting and respecting boundaries for both parents and adult children.
  • Invest in Self-Care: Remind listeners of the importance of self-care and personal development during and after the transition to empty nesting.

Key Moments in the Conversation

  • “It’s not only children who grow, parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they’re watching us, to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it myself.”
  • “We’re not supposed to control them, whether they’re in the house or out of the house. We get this control that happens over time when really, the empowerment piece, that was a big like, oh yeah — I get to empower my kids, not control them.”
  • “It’s been a process over the last ten years to finally feel like I’m coming into my true self, through lots of work. It doesn’t just happen overnight.”
  • The biggest thing for me is forgiveness. I can’t hold things against her because, I’ve made mistakes.”
Prefer to read? Click to open the transcript.
Tina: Hi everyone. Welcome to Your Leadership Legacy. My name is Tina Paulus-Krause and today I have Shari Filsinger here with us. How are you Shari? Welcome. 
 
Shari: I’m good. So nice to be here. Thank you Tina.
 
Tina: Yeah Yeah. I’m excited to have you on the podcast because when we talk about leadership right – leadership is an endgame. It’s an inner game. It’s about rising in your leadership, and we’re going to talk today about your book and your book is titled Nobody Told Me It Would Be This Hard Navigating Life with Adult Kids.
 
And so I want you to just introduce yourself and  yeah we get to dig into the book. So welcome. 
 
Shari: Thank you, as Tina said my name is Shari Filsinger. I am a certified mental wellness coach and I like to call myself an emptiness coach because I’ve dealt with that with my own adult kids. I have two adult kids, twenty-six and twenty-nine, and yeah, I never knew where this would lead and never in my wildest dreams did I think I wrote a book because I never liked writing.
 
Tina: Yeah, and I think anyone who is an empty nester as you say right, empty nest means all of a sudden we have no kids and we’re staring at our partner, if we have a partner, going now what, right? I love that you wrote a book about it because you know it’s a scary time. It’s a weird time. You have this identity before kids and then all of a sudden you’re supposed to let these kids go and do their own life and you’re like, well who am I today? So talk to us a little bit about what prompted you to write this.
 
 Shari: I think the biggest thing was just my challenging relationship with my daughter, who’s very independent, who left home at eighteen and has never moved back except maybe for a little brief periods of time, which is very much a blessing because I think our relationship is so much better. I had my son close,  When he went to college twenty minutes away, at the university, and my daughter had made the decision she wanted to get away, and as hard as it is to say goodbye, it’s actually been a learning curve for me because I grew up in a very codependent household and my daughter’s not codependent and she’s made that known many times. So her journey through college and into grad school and now in the process of moving farther away, I started journaling my emotions because she has never been one to – and well, let’s just go back. 
 
I’m very empathetic and I’ve also heard the term of a highly sensitive person and  so that’s me. You can imagine with somebody who’s very not that way, and I want to have people acknowledge me and I wasn’t getting that from my daughter. So anyway, lots of emotions, lots of challenges. Fortunately I have a great supportive husband who doesn’t always get me, but he tries and my friends who know what it’s like. I mean daughters specifically are just hard. 
 
I mean I had my own challenging relationship with my own mom. She said to me, “I hope you end up with a daughter like you have done to me” and I definitely did. I would say, when Abby got to seventh grade she kind of went to the dark side and only recently came back. She’s almost twenty-six so probably in the last year and a half she’s become more of, she’s always been a good human, but you know what I mean? It’s been hard. 
 
Tina: Yeah, Yeah. They’re trying to grow up, right Shari? They’re trying to find their independence and trying to find their way and you know for me, in reading your book control came out a lot right, and I’m a control freak myself. So we try to control that experience and control what’s happening and that just makes it even worse. Right?
 
Shari: Well, it’s hard because you go from having almost complete control and then as I say in the book, they go through these stages of letting go, but you never actually think you’re going to get to that point and when you do,  it’s like the day we took my son to college. It’s the funniest thing, he was a soccer player and he was known for leaving his dirty laundry in the washing machine without starting it.  I’ll never forget I came home after dropping him off, opening the washing machine and immediately started sobbing, but I knew he was twenty minutes away, and when they move multiple states away, and you don’t have any control. 
 
It’s literally life changing, especially when the second one leaves and you’re just so used to having that conversation, with your husband or your significant other because they’re always part of it. So you go from having all this stuff to nothing.
 
 So when my daughter relocated – she’s in Missouri now, in Saint Louis – it still has challenges, but I have learned to keep my mouth shut, to just ask lots of questions that aren’t too probing and deep, and she’ll tell me when she wants to talk and we’re at that point now, but journaling led me to, and I am hoping in the next year to be able to release it’s like a devotional journal.
 
That was going to be my first book release until this one came up. That’s where it all started, because I was writing in a journal and I started reading it, and I was like, wow, I really can write. I’m going to maybe be good at this. Yeah, so I hired a writing coach and, unfortunately it didn’t really work out, because we were two totally different ends of the spectrum with personality. Through that, I just felt like I had to push myself, to actually make this happen, and  I feel like it’s weird. It’s like yeah, it doesn’t have the best sales but it’s out there, you know?  It’s huge, when you see your name there, it’s like, Wow!  It has improved my relationships with both of my kids, and my daughter for the first time has learned how to say I’m sorry, and how to thank me, and to say I love you. You know, those are big things that she didn’t know how to say for a long time.
 
Tina: I think on the flip side of it, my guess, I’m going to read a quote from your book, because it leads right into this.
 
My guess is yes, she’s learned how to do that, but she’s done that because you’ve learned how to communicate with her and you guys have learned how to communicate together, because you’ve grown as well. So, I want to read this quote that’s at the end of your first chapter, that was just like, you know, that kind of a thing, so the quote is, “It’s not only children who grow, parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they’re watching us, to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it myself.”
 
Which was like, so powerful. So talk about like, where was that moment when you realized that, and you realized that like, Oh, I get to grow as well through this?
 
Shari: You know I think when I finally realized, because my son has been out of high school just over well, almost eleven years, that it’s okay to congratulate yourself for what you did, even though it wasn’t easy. I mean, no parent comes out of it unscathed with something. 
 
Tina:True, yeah,
 
Shari:  We all have stuff, and I think like, the prior, like back when my son graduated in twenty-thirteen,  I think everybody was always trying to be so perfect, and no family is perfect.
 
 Tina: No person is perfect.
 
Shari: Yeah,  when I finally reached the point even in my own life, with my own history and my own trauma,  you know, I did a decent job. You know? I’m not saying that all kids should go to college. Not everybody is meant to. My kids did, they graduated college. They got decent jobs, they’re fortunately in a specialty. They’re both engineers, so they’re very specialized. 
 
Yeah, it’s just like an opportunity to say,  job well done, andd that’s what I find. I’m talking to other parents  who are struggling, because they don’t have that control anymore, and when your kids can leave, that’s a huge accomplishment, because so many kids can’t. They either struggle with mental health issues, their confidence,  they don’t know what they want to do.
 
I’ll be honest, I struggled for a long time, but I never wanted to live at home because of my family history. I knew I wanted to be on my own, but it took me a long time to feel confident. I wish at times, I kind of wish I could go back to my twenties and do them over, even though I love where I’m at now, but you know what I mean?
 
Tina: Sure, absolutely.  Yeah,. I think it’s a big lesson for parents. I mean, I know it was for me too in my own growth journey, because we’re not supposed to control them,  whether they’re in the house or out of the house.  We get this control that happens over time when really, the empowerment piece,  that was a big like, oh yeah, I get to empower my kids not control them, kind of a thing.
 
So talk to us a little bit about how you went from, okay, I’m controlling you to okay, now I get to empower you.  What does that stage look like?
 
Shari:  It’s been a journey. I mean, it’s been a long journey of ups and downs. The one thing I’ll say is like, going through the hard times with our kids, for me, a mistake I made when my daughter was going back to California,  it would have been around twenty-seventeen, and she wanted to take her vehicle, and so I’m like,  this would be a great opportunity for mother daughter trip. Well you can imagine how that was,  she said that’s not my vision mom.
 
 Oh my gosh, Yeah, so as hard as it was, like there was a point, it was so bad I had to say, and she was in California, and I had to say, “ Drop me off at the corner. I’m going to find a car and go to the airport.” because I was feeling bullied you know, and being an empath, that’s so hard.
 
So going through that, and going through other issues that have happened and then just, digging deep and like knowing that,  this life that my kids are living is about them not me. I didn’t want my mom telling me what to do when I was nineteen, twenty, twenty-five whatever, and that’s the thing, it’s like I always tell parents, “Put yourself in their shoes.”
 
We have instant communication now. When I was growing up, we had to call collect if we were long distance, and how did her parents not worry about us? You know?
 
Tina: Yeah, yeah. Yep, yep. It’s a totally different way, and I mean I think that instinct, so, let’s talk about communication, because communication you know, it’s not always effective and that control is part of that, ineffective communication.
 
 So, what does it look like when we let go of the control? What if today I decide to let go of control? What does that mean?

 

Shari:  It’s not easy, but it benefits. I feel, so both, whoever is involved, it benefits both parties. I feel like, just like with us, if  we don’t make mistakes we don’t learn. If we continue doing the same thing over and over, that’s a problem, but if we make a mistake and change and pivot, that’s growth.
 
 So if  they make mistakes, and trust me, I mean, my daughter has made plenty of mistakes,  but she’s grown and she knows, and the biggest thing for me is forgiveness. I can’t hold things against her because, I’ve made mistakes. 
 
Tina: Sure. 
 
Shari:  You know, I think it’s just trusting, trusting them and being there when they need us. It’s their life, and as long as they know we’re there for them without, throwing guilt. 
 
That’s another thing I’ve learned. You don’t want to say, “Oh,  I wish you’d come home, I miss you so much” because that’s about me. I just, you know, “It’d be great to see you. Whatever your schedule is, I’d love to see you, whenever you come I’ll always be available.” Then also, they’re kind of proud of me now, so it makes me feel like “Wow, I’m actually doing something to make my kids proud, right?
 
Tina: I think with me and my daughter, because I read your book and there’s a lot of parallels with my daughter and I, in our journey, and  I think we were constantly like this, and it was because of my control, and she was trying to grow up and I was just controlling it and telling her how wrong she was and all this stuff.
 
I think what started our – so I’m saying this for anybody out there who has this relationship with an adult child – I think the only thing that started our healing journey was me recognizing the negative patterns that I had created; was me communicating and apologizing; “Let’s just talk about this.” I get that I was controlling. I’m letting all that go and making new commitments to her, right? 
 
Then once that happened, and she could start seeing that be consistent, it started to change our relationship. So what were some of the things that you and your daughter worked through to get to that point? 
 
Shari: Well we, I’m going to be really authentic about this, this was just recent. We both love country music and I love Nashville, and so I said, “Let’s go to Nashville.” So we planned it in mid-August. This was kind of like an epiphany for me, but I think it really showed her how my boundaries are up.
 
So we were there for two days. She took her dogs – not a good idea, but you know what? I’m not going to tell her what to do. Things weren’t going the way she wanted them to go and I was just trying to go with the flow, and  sometimes  I would say, “ What do you want to do?” and she’d go, ‘ I don’t know?! What do you want to do?!” 
 
So to make a long story short, my poor husband got involved in it. I had driven, my daughter lives in Saint Louis, four hours away, and a  friend of mine told me, “You need to just leave, because she’s being so rude and inconsiderate. You need to just leave.”
 
So I gave her a choice. I said, “I want to take you back, but I don’t deserve this treatment”. I got in my car, drove nine hours home. I didn’t hear from her. She had to rent a car. She had to get back by herself, and normally, I know you’ve experienced this with your daughter, normally we wouldn’t talk for a long time, I wasn’t expecting it. 
 
Two weeks later, it was Labor Day, and she was going to come home, and I was assuming she’s not. A week after this happened, she texted me. She goes, “Mom, I’m sorry. I’m glad you got home safely.” One week, she came home the next weekend, it was wonderful.
 
People would say, “Well are you going to confront her on it?” I’m like no, I’m not. I’m not saying I wasn’t at fault, but I wanted her to know, I’m not saying I’m perfect and I didn’t do something, but I don’t deserve that. 
 
Tina: We get to learn. Yeah, and  that was like step one of you guys learning how to get to a new way of communicating. Because ultimately, in those moments, the two of you could have sat down and gone, “Look, I’m not cool with how this is going down. How can we create better?” And had a conversation in the moment, but  you don’t go from like, we don’t talk, we can’t communicate, to that, overnight. There has to be this practice. That happens along the way, and so that was a beautiful step into it. But again, it’s the control and it’s drawing the boundaries. You get to teach people how to treat you, right? That was a really great example of teaching someone your boundaries. Like, I’m in this with you. I’m not perfect but, I also am going to draw a boundary right now that we get to just separate for right now because it’s not working. I think that’s beautiful. 
 
Shari: Yeah, and with my son too.  It’s funny that, during the holidays, I sent him a text, and I had mentioned something about some documentary I’d seen. My son, we all said he should be either a politician or in sales because he’s always got to prove his point, right? He wants to be right, but he’s speaking to a person, who also wants to be right, but I’ve learned – I’m not arguing, and he was trying to do that.  I responded, and I said,”I respect that then, but I am not arguing” and he goes, ” You just want to be right.” I said, “No, I just didn’t want to hurt you. Let’s talk about it when you come home,”and it was fine.
 
For me, that’s another thing. I don’t have time for that. I’ve dealt with that. I’m not going there. No, my life is too valuable, and I don’t need to be stressed over simple things that don’t need to go that way. 
 
Tina: Right. So talk about the ripple effect.  Let me just kind of explain what I mean by the ripple. The ripple is when you start showing up differently in your life, which is exactly what you’re doing. You’re showing up differently because you’re growing and  you’re learning how to draw boundaries and communicate in a better way.  So that all takes time, right? That all takes planning and it takes time, and as you do that, there’s a ripple effect. So talk about the ripple effect in your family of how it’s changed the dynamics, because you’ve been showing up differently.
 
Shari:  We had an amazing holiday. It’s the first time there was no conflict. Yeah, and I know you get this. So I always tell myself every time they leave I’m not going to cry, but every time they leave – it’s not that I’m sad, but it’s a good cry, right? There’s memories. Because then all of a sudden you’re in your house and it’s so quiet. 
 
So I know my kids knew,  when Ben went to college, he knew I did not want to be that mom sitting just crying all the time just because my kids were gone. It’s been a process over the last ten years to finally feel like I’m coming into my true self, through lots of work. It doesn’t just happen overnight. But  I do know that when I look at my kids, I think, “ Wow they’re really good people.”  My son is so caring. His birthday was last week and he said, “Mom just donate to a food pantry.” He does well, he can afford whatever, just like me. I don’t care about gifts, I just want to be with my family and whatever I don’t have I can’t by myself. My daughter is going through an interview process for a career change, and it’s hard because she doesn’t know, and she has no control, and  she’s handling things well. She said, “This guy was so nice and he said he’d do this,” and it just makes me feel like instead of judgment, they’re looking at more compassion. So, I don’t know if that answers your question. 
 
Tina: Yeah it does, I mean because it does because when you start to show up differently, you start to see different results, and that’s exactly what you saw at Christmas. You saw it within your whole family. 
 
If I show up differently – it doesn’t mean that all the drama was yours. It means that you’re learning how to navigate through it.  And so I think that beautiful, and that’s the ripple effect. Being able to create those kinds of experiences for more than just you.
 
I mean we start with ourselves, but then it ripples out. That’s where generational healing happens. I always use my yelling and screaming as an example. My programing was yell and scream. I’d get so busy, busy, busy and bottled up all of a sudden I’d explode. And who got the brunt of it? My kids or my partner. And that’s not fair. It’s not fair to them. I don’t want to be that person, but yet that’s how I was showing up. And so now that I don’t do that anymore, those kinds of things don’t happen anymore. That ripple effect is real.  
 
Shari: It’s so awesome to hear you say that. I thought, “What’s wrong with me as a parent” when I think to how I parented, and it was hard. And when those times happened, that was just a confidence killer, because what did you do after – like my God, what have I done?
 
Tina: Well I know, you go back and have blame and shame and pity, and then for me, that’s when my enablement starts, because now I’m trying to make up for that explosion that I just had. So here, let me shower you with stupid gifts. All the icky stuff that comes with that. Whereas today, if it’s on my heart and I’m feeling it, I’m talking about it. I’m asking somebody. I’m getting through it. I’m moving through it, because it nobody deserves to sit in that – I call it sitting in a shitty diaper. I didn’t come up with that. Karen Seltz came up with that. But like I’m going to choose to sit in this shitty diaper and feel all this grossness, or I can choose to just go communicate or snap out of it or move out of it or do whatever I need to do that. But so often we stay in it. So I want to honor you because like when you’re you know we talk about your daughter and codependency. Like that’s the ripple effect. Breaking that codependency. Maybe not the stop with the codependency, but she has certainly been the stop of the codependency. And now, you guys, this relationship is back intact.  That won’t continue to be an issue. So I want to honor you for that. I think that’s pretty amazing.
 
Shari: Well you know, I grew up with that and it never really struck a nerve until she brought it up one day. and she’s talking about some family friends, and not in a negative way, but just like, “They’re so codependent.” And then this started to hit me. I’m like, my gosh, that is totally because, of my husband and two kids, I’m totally the one that was codependent. But yeah, just to grow out of that, is… yeah. 
 
Tina: And even just recognizing it. Codependency is huge with me as well and my family, and so when I was going through my coaching and some of my journey, my coaches would be like, “Go eat, go to a restaurant by yourself. Go sit at the bar by yourself. Go to a movie by yourself.” Like, that’s the work. That’s the work that we do to get out of those patterns that are just automatic patterns for us. And so yeah, codependency is a real thing. 
 
So what advice, Shari, if there’s a parent that’s listening that is getting ready to be an empty nester or maybe somebody, they’re just now a brand new empty nester.  Where do they even begin? What’s the first step?
 
Shari: To work on themselves, I find that find something that you possibly are passionate about in your past that you had to kind of put on the back burner. Building friendships. If you’re going to go back to work, if you’re going to create your own business, people just don’t realize the possibilities nowadays that they have with being online. Finding more time, if they’re married to spend time with your spouse, because relationships really struggle and last week I heard somebody say that their son who’s now 24, she said since he left for college and has now been out for two years, they’ve had four friends go through divorces. Honestly if my husband I can survive the pandemic in the same house…  I made a joke but I know it takes lots of work. It’s not just me. And so working on that and then self-care is huge. But I feel like, depending on the relationship with our child, just boundaries. I mean you need to for yourself, too, because it’s so easy just to text all the time, and we want to know right away if we don’t hear from them like something’s wrong. My daughter has put the read-receipt on her phone so she knows if I’m not looking then she actually didn’t see it and she’ll immediately respond once she sees it, which could be a day later. But yes, they have to be given the trust and the belief that they’re going to be okay, because if they go out and you’re always hounding them for something, it’s not going to work in their favor.
 
I read something other day that really made me sad. I’m in these Facebook groups for empty nesters, and this woman’s kids were young, her son was young, and he just got married was 21, and they were living with his wife’s family. And the family wants all the kids in the family to be on those like family-tracking things, which I think is creepy.  I’m like, no. My kids share the location when they’re driving home but that’s it. I just want to make sure they’re okay on the road in case something happens. But they have their own life wherever they’re living. That’s not about me. 
 
So yeah, I just think for people that really don’t know the next step, coaching is huge. Meeting with somebody, talking to somebody, finding somebody that you resonate with. Invest in yourself. We invest in all other areas of our life but we don’t invest in ourselves.
 
Tina: So true. It’s so true. And like I mean women are amazing creatures you know, and we put everything into our kids, everything. And that’s a beautiful and amazing thing. And it’s so real what happens.  Okay, now the kids are gone and we sit there and we go, okay, well now who am I like? Who am I? What am I supposed to be doing with all my time? What does it look like? And so like you get to take yourself on. Like you get to take yourself on and figure out what’s working and what’s not working. When you do that and start focusing on that, it’s like everything opens up and you find out who you really are and what you want and all that kind of stuff.
 
So the name of the podcast is Your Leadership Legacy. So if you think about the legacy that you’re leaving, what’s the intention?
 
Shari: I think number one is my kids, to see the potential as older adults, that life just doesn’t have to end after the kids leave home. That it’s just beginning, that there’s so much out there in the world. And to make a difference is huge. So many young people nowadays get frustrated with their jobs because they feel like they’re not making a difference. And that’s where I struggle. A lot of my life is like I’m put in a box. I’m told to do something a certain way but to get out and do what makes you passionate, what brings you joy. 
 
The other part is for the parents out there who read, well, not just read my book, but any empty nesters. I have a friend who actually said this in her review of my book. She’s like, “It’s like you were writing this for me,” because she had just let her oldest go and now she’s got a son that’s one year behind. So it’s hard, but to be prepared. And now she knows, okay, this is what I’m going to do for me when my next leaves home. So just to give them hope and know that there’s so much more ahead. We only really get them for 18 years, sometimes longer. That’s really all given.. And this one book I read said, it’s like your job and you kind of were fired from that job and then you become like a mentor and a coach, right?
 
Tina: So you say in the book it’s time to become their friend like right right. Know. And that’s when you can be there. That’s when that time really happens. Yeah, I think that’s beautiful. 
 
I want to talk about comparison because something that you said, you have a whole chapter in this book about comparison. And so what I want to add to what you just said, is that if anybody is listening out there, read the chapter on no comparison. There is no right or wrong way to do anything. The right way is what your gut is telling you, and so often we don’t listen to that voice, that inner gut, that inner voice is really telling us what we really want because we’re in fear. We’re in comparison or we’re in fear and when all of a sudden, what do you do? You do what’s right for you and do what’s right for your family and communicate through it. And I think that will serve people in a great way. They’re like this whole comparison thing is ridiculous.
 
Shari: Well and I find that in my you know I talk about social media, but I also feel like it’s better. I would never want to go back to high school with my kids. That was the worst you know, especially with whatever they were involved in.. So it is better now because now I’m more comfortable with myself and I just know that people I don’t want in my life. I feel I had to step back from certain friendships because I felt like it was all about having the best of everything, and I don’t want that. I just want to live in what makes me happy, not how big or fancy my house is. 
 
Tina: Yeah I really love that we’re kind of in this time frame, because my whole life has been about consumption. Like you consume, consume, consume, consume. You work to buy the good stuff and like you know that whole icky gross mentality, when you kind of sink in to know it’s not about the material stuff. It’s really about my relationships and what I’m creating and building in my life. It changes. It changes everything for sure. 
 
Tina: So the book is on Amazon, so go get the book on Amazon. Where else can people find you, Shari?
 
Shari: Well I am in the process of having a website. Hopefully we’re close. My web developer’s got another job so she had to go to work today but we’re close, so that’ll be out soon. I’m on Facebook. Shari Filsinger. My maiden name is Booth. I don’t do a whole lot. I’m really trying to focus on my goals for the year. I’m on Instagram, I do have some groups, I think you’re in one of my groups for that: Nobody Told Me It Would Be This Hard and nobody really engages in that group, and I’m hoping people will like to share. Yeah I like to share that’s all. A
 
Tina: Sometimes it’s just about holding the space. Right. Right. And I just want people to know that there are people out there that understand.
 
And I think when they realize that like you might feel because it is when your kids leave home and they don’t know what to do they don’t feel like they have the same friends and it is different. But I’m so blessed that I chose to get into a space ten years ago where I was able to branch out and meet so many people. This way. I still don’t know how we connected Tina but we do have mutual friends. 
 
Tina: Yeah I don’t know. But it’s cool when it happens. I seek that stuff out too. When I see somebody on fire online I’m like Who? What’s going on there? What happened? I get really super curious about it because I want to know what lights people up. You know I want the world to know what lights people up. So yeah I probably. You say you stalked me. I probably stalked you first. 
 
Shari: Oh my God, no I did stalk you. And in some ways I found myself overthinking and comparing again and it’s stupid,  don’t do that.
 
Tina: You know it’s so crazy. That’s why I said it. There’s no comparison. Like when you find the right people it’s just the right people. And we’re all on a journey. We’re all on a journey. And it doesn’t matter where we are. What matters is that we support each other along the way. So. Right right right right. All right. Any last thoughts or anything? 
 
Shari:The book just released an ebook last night so it’s now available for those that like to read –  I like to hold a real booo, that’s just me. I’ve read too many. 
 
Tina: Yes. So but now it’s electronic which is amazing. Is it your real voice? 
 
Shari: No I don’t have that kind. I probably could do that, maybe I’ll think about that at . 
 
Tina: Yeah. got it. We’ll get there, step by step.. It’s so true. It’s step by step for sure. Well I want to thank you Shari for being on today. Like I said, I noticed you just being on fire, being super authentic and super real, and I just was like, “Ooh who is she? We need to know each other.” 
 
So, go buy her book. She’s amazing. I think once our kids leave the nest, it’s definitely a transition, and I think everyone can benefit for the book.
 
So thank you, everyone, for being here. We will see you next time on Your Leadership Legacy.